fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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