He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
