On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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