i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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