I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
