I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
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I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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