: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
