Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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