Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
