And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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