One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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