Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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