If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
