Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish my penis had an off switch
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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