Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We're too hungover to prance.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize