Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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