His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
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Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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