My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
