just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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