Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
