He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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