I will die if light touches me.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
