one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
