your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
