dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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