In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
