Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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