She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
