please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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