Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
