she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
