I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
last night I used snow as a chaser
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
