I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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