Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
