remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
