I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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