Farmville is her only friend.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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