my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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