my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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