i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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