Someone shit on the floor
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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