So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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