He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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