I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
