matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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