dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
