how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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