I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
