she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
