Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
