I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
