I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
