There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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