How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
