my mouth tastes like poor choices
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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