your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I need to align my fucking chakras
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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