could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
