On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
