My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
