you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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