Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
