We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
