dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
