I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You ruined the universe
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
