I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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