she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
