What a fucking waste of an outfit
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
