I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
