i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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