i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
