you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
