I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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