last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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