I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
