from now on my penis is your penis
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
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I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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