hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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