the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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