Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just pee around me
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
